Well, school is starting soon. Do you know how I know this? That’s right—the fresh-faced freshman, embarking on a new stage in life, who move to Boston and Cambridge each September. Here’s a few tips on riding the T so that you don’t piss off the locals (i.e. me) the next time.
1. When waiting on the platform, be mindful of those around you. I don’t care what ‘art house’ film you have just seen and I doubt those around me do either. No once cares who you think is more ‘valid,’ Noam Chomsky or Arundhati Roy. And really, I doubt your friends do either.
2. When the train pulls up, step aside and let people off. It’s merely common courtesy. In fact, everyone pay attention to this one.
3. When on the train, don’t cluster around the door. You have time to get off the train at your stop, trust me. You see, I don’t want to stand so close to you that I can smell your patchouli. I just can’t get by your giant backpack/messenger bag.
4. Don’t lean on the poles. Others have to use them too. That soft thing you keep smushing? That is my hand. I need it.
5. Again, no one care about your opinion regarding Foucault and Paris Hilton. God, even I know her dog was recovered.
6. When you exit the train and get on the escalator to exit the station, stand on the right side, or walk on the left. Don’t stand on the left. I am trying to get away from you as fast as possible. I can’t do that when you block my escaoe route.
Yes, I sound like a grouchy old lady here. You would think that I had never been 18 or a freshman. I understand your excitement and your desire to fit into a new city, I swear. Look, just stay out of my way and I will stay out of yours. Okay?